Let me tell you a little about what I've learned about Jaden. He is a darling blue eyed, blond haired little boy. He is strong, kind, loving, and happens to be a very funny kid. He is brave, independant, and intelligent.
I am not going to share to many details about his life before he came to our home. I did find it a miraculous coincidence that James passed away close to the time that Jaden was taken out of his home. I have been told in blessings that our angels number one job is to help our family. I have noticed several times how brave and courageous Jaden is. His attitude about hard things totally reminds me of James. On his first night here I peeked in to see if he was asleep. He was laying in his bed and I could hear him talking to himself,"don't be sad, don't be scared, don't be sad, don't be scared..." Seriously broke my heart to think of how many times a little three year old had to tell himself that. He was so brave and strong, he totally reminded me of James. I think he helped his little brother to find his courage. I know that those two share a special bond that I can't explain. Jaden insists on wearing his James shirt every night for bed time. He always includes him when we talk about our family. I love that he loves his brother James! I am sure the feeling is mutual!
We had always talked about adding another child to our family though adoption. I remember in Oregon praying one night. I was literally praying with everything I had in me for a child. You know those prayers that are just you and your heart speaking. I still remember telling Heavenly Father that I just wanted to be a mom. I told Him that I would be willing to take a child no strings attached. I would take a child for how ever long He wanted to give them to us.(James) I would take a child in whatever condition He wanted to send them (Jaden). I really didn't think He would take me quite so literally. On the other hand, maybe He needed my heart to be in the right place, to be willing to accept the heartbreak and difficulties that might come.
A few kids and a hysterectomy later:)...I was sitting in the sealing room for my brothers wedding and I heard a little boys voice that said, "Mom don't forget about me." Honestly, I wasn't quite sure how this would play out. A few years went by before we really started to look at adding another person to our family. Just a few months prior to James's death we were beginning to discuss the different options available. Then James passed and we had to put everything on hold except surviving.
After a little while we went to an adoption meeting, and in it they mentioned foster care as a viable option. I don't think I even heard much after that. The thought that our child was in foster care was echoing in my head. I remembered that little voice I had heard, and knew that it was entirely possible that our son was a few years old already, and waiting for us to find him. I knew we had to find him. When talking about the option of foster care Joe and I both had a lot of reservations. James had passed away recently, and the thought of bringing more children into our home and having them taken in and out was concerning. We were totally worried as to how that would affect our children. They have already experienced so much loss and we didn't want them to loose anything else.
Despite our reservations we took the foster care classes. Joe would keep telling me about his concerns and honestly I felt them too. But I knew that our child was out there, and if we trusted in Heavenly Father somehow it would all work out. We waited till about November and we got the itch to get licensed quick. By the beginning of December we were good to go. The day after Christmas we received the call about Jaden. The social worker called and said that he had an adoptable child in need of placement. Those words were golden. Our major concern was not an issue. Jaden was free and clear, ready for his forever family.
Of course we talked it over with our kids, and prayed, talked some more, and prayed some more. In Foster care you only have a short amount of time(like an hour) to make such an epic decision. They gave us a few facts and tried to describe a darling blue eyed blond hair kid. Totally opposite from our brown eyed brown hair kiddos. We knew before meeting him that we would accept him and keep him no matter what the issues were. We both wanted to commit before we met him, so this little guy knew he was finally home.
We had to wait a weekend till we could pick him up. We were so excited. Spencer and Grace came with me to pick him up. He was sitting on a couch. He waved at us and was a little shy and reserved. He had been in 7 different placements so this probably was not new for him. Can you imagine being taken in and out of homes so often, sad! I remember looking at his five boxes piled up and thinking how sad for him that his whole life was contained in these small boxes. He was more than willing to come with us and we were off. Of course we stopped at Mcdonald's because the kids were all hungry. We had a really fun time riding home. He was quite hilarious. The kids were really enjoying talking with each other. I remember my heart just melting with happiness at seeing them all together.
Unpacking my child's clothes and toys was very surreal. I had no memories with him. I had no idea what he liked, didn't like. Did he have favorite P.J's? What was his favorite toy? What foods he loved, what foods he hated. What people had been in and out of his life. It was crazy to think now I am his mom, I have to figure this out.
I remember right when we got home he was a little nervous going to bed. He kept asking about breakfast. After about the tenth time reassuring him, I went and got a spatula from the kitchen. I gave it to him. I told him," Jaden we are having pancakes in the morning, will you hold this for me so we can make sure we can turn the pancakes. " I'll always have a snapshot in my heart of him sleeping with the spatula for weeks after he first arrived. He realized after a while, he would get breakfast every morning.
A few stand out memeories...
Our trip together to Temple Square. We walked around the grounds of the temple. The kids wanted to show him where James had fallen in a fountian. It was one of those sweet days. After we got in the car, we were talking about how this was our family temple. We told him that in a few months we would all come as a family to be sealed. Jaden looked at Joe and I and said," So I'll finally get my family?" Yes, sweet boy, you finally have your family.
We realized this summer that Jaden had never been to an amusment park or a zoo. We thought that he might like them. Walking into lagoon, he was scared. He talked about how he didn't like anything high. We went on our first ride, he sat stone faced through the whole thing. It wasn't till we were getting off that he said he liked it. We went on ride after ride and eventually he began to smile, and show that he was having fun. We then tried to get him to scream. He only let out one little whoop, but it was progress. He was so brave!
My last little memory is Jaden leaving on a bus everyday for school. We had our little routine. We would have lunch and then go out and sing songs on our swing til the bus came. He would give me hug and a kiss and hop on the bus. I would stand there and wave the sign for I love you to him. I watched him try to figure it out on his fingers. After a few days I saw his little I love you wave. After a few weeks of this, the whole bus full of kids would wave I love you to me as they were driving off. It was pretty adorable.
This experiance has been such a roller coaster. I'm not going to lie, they tell you that it is going to be intense-intense isn't an intense enough word. I remember getting into bed and telling Joe that I felt I had met my max amount of output for the day. You have to concentrate on each of your kids emotions, reactions, and concerns so intently that it is totally draining. You have totally amazing days were you see growth, and change, and love starting to emerge. You see lifelong friendships begin, fear overcome, strength coming from security. You have days were fears, insecurities, and button pushing seem to be all that you can see. One of the blessings I can see from James passing away, is that I watched the process of Spencer and Grace have to adjust to their new relationship dynamic. I knew it took a while for things to iron out, I just had to be patient while they worked out the kinks. It's been amazing to watch the process unfold. I have known from the beginning that our family was waiting for Jaden. I know that he was meant for our family. There were days I wasn't quite sure how we would make it. But we did.
I think both Spencer and Jaden were sent to our family specifically for the chance to have Joe as their dad. These boys both have such a sweet love for their dad. It's almost as if they bloom under his care and love. Jaden's face lights up every time daddy comes home. He also insists on a hug and a kiss when he leaves(much like James who would chase Joe down the street for one more hug or kiss.) I know in their hearts, they all realize what a special man they have been given to be their dad. My heart just melts watching them having fun together. They will learn so much about love, and kindness from being able to watch their dad-what lucky guys! I Love them!
We hope to have him sealed in October. I really can't wait to have my ENTIRE family in the temple. I know that James will be there with us. It will be the closest thing to a family reunion that I can have on this earth. Those mirrors that reflect your family going on forever have an entirely different meaning to me now, then when Joe and I were married. I have no doubt that my family can be Together Forever. I have no doubt that my Savior and your Savior made that possible. I thank my Heavenly Father every day for the knowledge that gives me peace in the midst of such heartbreaking loss. I am also blessed and amazed to find so much joy in my life! I love my little family!! -Laura
Couldn't have said it better myself. Very eloquent! I have the best family ever!!
ReplyDeleteOur family read your very touching story. We are so happy for the perspective you have on eternal families! We love you and your forever family! Love, Mary and Ross
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